Is it bad if you have a point in the day where you say to yourself, “Self, do not pass out. If you pass out, no one will find you immediately. But if/when they do find you, you will be naked on the bathroom floor in a puddle of your own blood. Keep it together!”?

That happened to me this morning. I was given this bath salt stuff in a glass jar as a favor for utilizing my tech geek skills for someone. I hadn’t used a ton of it because it always left an oily film on my skin, but it remained on the little shelf in the shower. I got in the shower today and was barely wet when I felt something fall on my toe. The pain shot up my body and then the other foot started to hurt. I looked down and there was a busted glass jar and a puddle of blood and oily bath salts in the tub. I saw the gash in my foot and wondered if there was still glass in it. I hobbled out of the shower, alternating my “owwws” for each foot. The toe on my left foot was swelling and turning blue while the gash in the right foot was continuing to squirt blood.

“That’s a pretty deep cut,” I thought. Then, “I need to clean up all this blood on the floor; it’s making a terrible mess,” was the next thought. Right after that, “That’s a lot of blood and I feel faint,” came to play in my head. I pep talked myself and eventually found a bandage to place over the gash to keep myself from bleeding on the floor for a while. Then I cleaned up the glass and thought, “In case this is worse than it seems, I should probably shower real fast and make sure my legs and arm pits are shaved in the event this transpires into an ER visit.” So I did that and got out of the shower, still feeling a tad woozy, but pleased that the bandaged seemed to have held everything in place.

By the time I dried off and checked it out, the bleeding had almost stopped and my body was working hard to repair the damage. Thanks to the fresh City Roots spinach I had with my breakfast, my blood was nice and thick and clotty. Anyway, that was my ordeal for the day. I’m glad I didn’t pass out and I’m glad no one found me lying on the floor in my bday suit. I’m going to go to Krav Maga tonight and pray that no one steps on my toes.

PS: Writing the word “naked” in this post will probably get my site ranked even higher in those porn searches, haha.