Grappling with the Grief of Losing a Loved One

As we prepare for our talk on pain & suffering I wanted to give you a few things to chew on. It’s funny how Dr. Lincoln’s sermon last Sunday contained some points that I had been thinking on for this Wednesday. Ellen might have talked about some of those things in Sunday School too. It seems like certain points were mentioned so much that they’ve all converged together in my mind. Someone mentioned that, when it comes to our faith, it’s one thing to know something in faith and then a totally different thing to have our emotions line up with that faith. When someone dies that we don’t know very well, say a friend of a friend,  it’s easy for us to say, “well, they’re in a better place,” and try to comfort and be comforted by that. When it’s someone we’re close to, we might know that he/she is in a better place, but that will likely give us little comfort. In fact, when someone comes up to us and tells us that “he’s in a better place,” we might even get the urge to punch that person in the face for being so trite. Better places do little to fill the holes that our dear ones leave.

We know that death is natural. We know that pain is a natural process of life as well. Yet, those things can knock the wind out of us harder than a 300 pound NFL linebacker. Even the strongest spiritual giants can be reduced to weeping face down on the floor, begging for an explanation from God. As I write this, I’m preparing myself for the road of pain and suffering of my grandmother that will eventually lead to her death. She has cancer, diabetes, heart issues, back issues and more. Though we’ll fight it, we all know that the question is never “if,” but “when.” In reality, that’s the question for all of us, healthy or not, isn’t it?

While it will be hard to let my grandmother go, there is some comfort in knowing that she’s elderly, that she’s had the opportunity to live a life, a life that’s lasted longer than most. Health problems are a given to anyone who lives long enough. I think the thing that makes people question the goodness of God is when they see a young person suffer and/or die, especially a child with newness and innocence still in her eyes. Why must we struggle so? Why can’t we live until we reach a certain age and then slip quietly away into the night while we sleep? It seems most of us leave with as much struggle as we entered.

I like a well-written song. Songs can express more of what we’re feeling and struggling through in a few lines than what can be written in a 10 page essay. I thought I’d share a few with you as we mull over this subject over the next couple of days. One of my favorite song writers is Sandra McCracken. She wrote a song about the death of the child of some friends of hers. I believe the little girl had cancer and she struggled with it for most of her short life. This song seeks to find meaning, hope and even a bit of explanation for a tragic event. Give it a listen and read the lyrics. As always, join the discussion in the comment box. We’ll talk more tomorrow.

The Tie That Binds
Sandra McCracken

The sorrow of a friend
From a long way we stand
Grief is second hand
But I’ll send my tears in a locket

Amelia smiles under lights & wires
Thorns for every flower
We number every hour
And live the days we are given

Oh, the pain
It makes you feel alive
Oh, the broken heart is the tie that binds
And I pray to God, these things will be made right

When the morning shines
On tear stained eyes
Oh we shall overcome
The Father gave the Son
To break the curse we are under

Oh the pain that no man can escape
Oh the sting of death, the empty grave,
And I pray to God where comfort has no place

When our tired eyes look through the veil
The colors are so pale but we raise high the sail
And call the winds to carry us home
Call the winds to carry us home.